Tuesday, March 27, 2012

When My Uncle Got Married...

Look At Me - Blog Entry #6 - When My Uncle Got Married...

There has been one thing that has been bothering me, in a good and bad way, over these last few weeks. One summer or two ago, I went up to my gramma Beverly's old apartment in Arcata, CA (around where Oregon is).
So, I flew up to my gramma's old apartment and she tells me that Tracy has got a girlfriend with a son that is born on the same day and year as I (February 14th, 1995). I felt ecstatic about this. But then I got a little puzzled when she told me he doesn't "understand people very well." So I just keep an open mind and I go over to meet Tracy Overholser, my uncle, and Leah Fulk, his girlfriend. They were going our for 3 months. His girlfriend told me that Jared was at his dad's house and wouldn't be back until July. I was here until the end of August. So, she tells me about her son. Turns out he has ADHD and a cluttering, which, in layman's terms, means he talks too fast. I tried to imagine my other cousin, Shane, because he had ADHD, too, but sugar, which normally makes him hyper, actually calms him down. Leah tells me that we "will get along famously." So that made me feel a bit better. At Tracy's house, on Sundays, we had a Family Night, where everyone would come over and have a big dinner and stuff. All of his sons, Bryan, Wesley, Kyle, and Justin, had birthdays in July, so on top of those, I got to see fireworks up close.
Anyway, when I saw Leah's son, Jared, I wasn't sure if he was her son or not, it could've been one of the neighbors, visiting. But it was Jared, her son. He had short, brown hair, light skin, he was a bit taller than me, and he had the most adorable smile ever. 

We went to a place at the mall where there huge bouncy houses. Kind of for little kids, but I had fun. Justin, Tracy's youngest son, had a girlfriend, Nadia, and they and all of his brothers and Tracy and Leah were asking me when Jared and I were going to kiss. That made me nervous. All the kissing that I saw was in movies and out in public at my schools. So, I decided that I would wait to get to know him.
In July, I went on a triple date. It was me and Jared, Justin and Nadia, and Tracy and Leah. We went to the mall and ate at HomeTown Buffet. We also went shopping. Jared got me a shirt and a necklace (I still got them.) Most of the time that I had spent with Leah's son was there, the bouncy house place, and at home.

I know what you're thinking: What about the kiss? I'm not sure what day it was, but sometime in July, we did have our first kiss. I could be speculating, but I think he was the one that kissed me first. The first few times were a bit hard for me, since I never kissed anyone, except for my family, so after a while, I got used to it. Leah was telling me that  he loved me so much and that he had never had another girlfriend before me. Well...I guess that explained why he kisses like my grammy! No offense or anything, but I didn't really feel much of a "spark" when I was kissing him. I never felt that feeling that makes you think, "This is the best moment of my life." The reason why is because since he never had another girlfriend, he doesn't know how to do everything that couples do. I didn't know if I could tell or show him how to do everything because even I don't like talking about it. The only thing that kept me from kissing him the way I wanted to was I didn't know how he would react to it.

But I stayed with him for the rest of my vacation just because I wanted him to be happy. He had trouble making friends and he was bullied a lot, too, so I felt sorry for him. But the one thing that surprised me was he went  hunting with his mom and dad, he had two jobs (janitor and gardener) at his school, and he knew a local Indian tribe and he was a member of it. That impressed me a lot when his mom first told me.

When Tracy and Leah go married, they had a Hawaiian theme and they had bottles and bottles of sparkling grape juice and apple cider. In the middle of the priest's speech (The "Dearly Beloved..." Speech), Leah's 2 year-old son, Ernest, said what seemed to be "NO!" Everyone was lauhging. APPARENTLY, somebody didn't want them to marry just yet.

Anyway, after I got home one day, I told my gramma how I was feeling and I said that I liked him, but not the way he wanted me to yet. I wanted to break up with him without him knowing it, but I didn't want him to get hurt by me. He LOVED me so much it was sad. I cried for a day and a half after that. Later in the month, Jared had bought me a bouquet of white flowers with a red border, they were real. I was crying tears of joy. 

Eventually, I flew home back to my mom in Garden Grove. I had school in a few weeks.

And now that I think about him now, I regret not telling and/or showing him everything I wanted him to know (the romantic couple stuff). When I was looking at his picture and listening to a depressing song (My Immortal by Evanescence), I cried because I missed him so much. I sometimes wished he went to my school. I sometimes imagined us, getting married and sometimes imagining our honeymoon night. But it does make me feel good inside that someone out there loves me the way I am, and not for the way I look like at my high school. 

I am considering having him, Tracy, and Leah visit me over this summer, but I don't know where they would stay. So I got to think about it.
Nonetheless, he has been on my mind for awhile and now, I think about him almost every day.

See you later, my fellow readers!!!

My Immortal song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5anLPw0Efmo&ob=av3e 

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Being an "A" Student

Look At Me - Blog Entry #5 - Being an "A" Student

I haven't always been such a good student. As the years passed, the teasings got worse to the point where seeing me, coming home and crying, was the norm. 5th and 6th grade were my worst years. In 5th grade, I had to write "I can't go outside because I didn't do my homework" 40-50 times. I tried to shorten it, but I had to start over again. I finished, but it was a rainy day and I ran towards the bus just as they were about to leave and when I made it everyone started chanting, "Leave her! Leave her! Leave her!" I screamed, "SHUT UP!!!" at everyone and the whole bus was deathly silent. I always sat in front to keep people from teasing me, but it didn't help any. But when 6th grade came around, I met this guy that wanted to know me more, but he just wanted to get a reputation. I stopped visiting him and he met another girl he wanted to score with. From that point on, I stayed reserved and quiet, so that my feelings would not get hurt.

In 7th grade and all of 8th grade, I had a "B" streak, no "A" anywhere on my report card, except in P.E. I always wondered how I got by in that class with an "A" every year, even though I was overweight. And my P.E. teacher, Ms. Marshall, said, "As long as I see you trying your best, you will never fail." Then, on my last report card, I saw nothing but A's. A+, A, A-, it didn't matter...I got a 4.0 GPA for the first time, and I kept it up until my sophomore year, when I got teased, not for me, being a tattletale or a weirdo or something, but because I was a teacher's pet. I got teased for that in junior high and my teachers stood up for me because I couldn't stand up for myself without cussing like a sailor.

I can cuss in Spanish and Italian, but Italian sounds too much like Spanish, so I don't use it at all. By my junior year, the teasing ceased in all my classes, except for Health, where this snobby, crappy, stuck-up girl, Ally Ardina, and her friend, told me to shut the eff up all the time because they beleaguered my teacher. At sometime or another, I just wanted to slap her until her cheeks got numb and red. Either that or beat her up. I try to behave, but its stuck-up "girl dogs" (b*****s) like her that really irk me to the point of exploding. So, I told the assistant principal about it and they didn't bother me for the rest of the semester.

When I was in my sophomore year, when a sub was teaching my Algebra II class, some guys were throwing pop tart pieces at me, so I went to the bathroom first, then I sneaked over to the assistant's principal's office to tell him and he moved them to another class. But the next day, this girl, Maritsa, yelled during passing period, "You're an F-in' snitch!!!" I yelled, "Shut up!" and went on to my Algebra II class. But students aren't the only people that yell at me.

Last year, when we were reading this boring Rip Van Winkle story, my friend was taking so long to understand and sound the freakin' words that by the end, I grumbled, "Oh, God." My teacher said to me two words: Shut Up, followed by a "That is so rude." But not all the teachers know the pain that I have endured over the last 12 years. I have been booed, yelled at, picked on, and I had food thrown at me, so I know the meaning of "Pain" 100 times over. Plus, people should already know how to read. My friend was reading like a little elementary school kid and that p-ed me off even more. I sobbed quietly for almost 20 minutes and my teacher was the one to say that she was sorry. I wrote a letter of apology, saying that I haven't had the best school experiences and that I had the mental disorder Asperger's Syndrome and that if I said something like what I just said, it was because I was different than everyone else and that I could read at a higher level than the rest of the students. The letter seemed to do the trick. Now, I don't have any problems with her at all. At first, I wanted to run out the door and  hide somewhere in school where no one could find me. For the first few seconds after my incident, I put on, what my teacher calls, "The F-U Smile" and I pretended that her tirade didn't bother me, but all the memories of people teasing me and all the memories of people, yelling at me, flooded my brain and soon after my little "Screw You Smile", I cried silently.

One of the perks of being an "A" student is you get to go to exclusive parties and programs and ceremonies. I got to go to The Discovery Science Center and I got to go to a Pool Party with music, snacks, and everything. Plus, I got to go to a ceremony where people had a 3.0 or higher for 1-4 years, the ones that got the 4-year recognition were named School Valedictorians, I call them "The Perfect Students". Good times! I love my school.

Also, just recently, I sang "Home Sweet Home" by Motley Crue, at a Talent Show, and I sang Acapella. At the end, technically, since I was acknowledged FIRST, I got FIRST PLACE, with an In-N-Out Burger Gift Card as a "trophy/medal." I had gotten some roses from my aunt and gramma on that day and my mom thought that my friend was a homosexual (GAY). LOL. He wasn't gay, though.

I'll blog again sometime later, bye!

I cried when I wrote this and listened to this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JB5PxVUn1-8&feature=related

My Holidays, Past and Present

Look At Me - Blog Entry #4 - My Holidays

My Christmases have all been nice. The most memorable one was when I was three years old, I slept in all afternoon on Christmas Eve, and when I woke up, my cousin, Michael, who was six at this time, was already here with his dad. From what my gramma told me, I screamed, "MIKEY!!!" and ran to him and gave him a bear hug. Still haunts him to this day, he runs for the hills if I even mention the word "hug". Last Christmas, my godfather gave me $250 dollars for my birthday and I was psyched about that. $20 was for my mom and my gramma beause 1) gramma needed some money and 2) My mom spent over $200 on me. They were both surprised that I gave them money, but I just said, "When I don't have a lot of money, I don't share. But when I have a lot of money, then I share..."

Then, when I was seven or eight, my mom had gotten a call from "Santa Claus", saying that mom had gotten me a special Christmas present. A puppy. I called him Bear because the barks he made sounded like a growling bear. I eventually had to give him away to the pound, then to my mom's cousin because he was getting too big. But I still got pictures of Bear, sleeping with me in bed. :-)

For my other Christmases, I got video games, a Nintendo DS, a soccer ball, an Xbox 360, and a Kinect for my Xbox 360. Plus, I told you about last Christmas when I got a PC Tablet in my previous blog.

Valentine's Day (My Birthday)
Valentine's Day wasn't always the best day for me. None of my friends wished me a Happy Birthday in Elementary school and no one ever wanted to be my valentine, no matter what school year it was. In my sophomore year of high school, my teacher/librarian, Mrs. Melissa Dela-Xiong, gathered up all the T.A.'s, including me to dip some strawberries in chocolate. Mine were dipped in white chocolate, just for me. The chocolate hardened in only 10 minutes. The next year, my best friends came over for my Sweet 16th Birthday Party and they got me a Unicorn Pillow Pet. While my mom went to go get the cake, I opened my birthday card from my mom and I screamed so loud when I saw that my card had over $100 dollars in it. When my mom came, I hugged her so tight. My aunt tried to shove my head into the cake, but I avoided her just in time. Then, we all played Kinect Sports and later, me and my 3 best friends, Andrea, Daisy, and Janet, went shopping until it was about 7 or 8 at night. On my 17th birthday, I dressed up in my best dress, put on makeup, and went to my friend, Bryan. I gave him a card, Twix, and some Hershey's Chocolate. When I asked him to be my "birthday valentine", he said "Yes" and I was all smiles after that.

When Halloween came, I was unpredictable when it came to picking out a costume. My mom made me a Dalmatian costume. Then, I dressed up as Scorpion from Mortal Kombat. Then, as the Queen from Snow White. Then, a witch. Then, a Pikachu. Then, the ghostface from Scream. That Halloween, I was only 7 or so and at first I thought there was a stuffed dummy in a chair by the door that had the same costume as I did, but when we started to ring the bell, it screamed at me and I almost had a heart attack. Ever since then, I  have been having bad dreams like wildfire. Last year, I dressed up as a bottle of Mustard and 5 people asked me, "Where's the Ketchup?" My mom wore the same outfit at her job during the costume contest.

My Thankgivings were the bomb. When I was about 10 or so, there was this small baby tooth that wouldn't come out, no matter what I tried. So when I was eating a piece of some juicy, hot ham, I saw a white spot in my ham and then I realized my tooth was out!!! My gramma told me that one year, my mom made a turkey with the gizzards and liver and stuff still in it. Ugh! But a few years ago, my mom made so much food it lasted for almost two weeks. The Dutch Apple Pie, the turkey and ham, the stuffing, everything was fantastic!!! Plus, I got to see my cousins, Melody, Dylan, and Shane. I thought Shane was a guest that they had brought at first because he looked so different than the last time I saw him. He was over 6 feet tall, for crying out loud!!! My mom made her first peach cobbler soon after Thanksgiving was over and she did a good job on that, too.

See ya later, bloggers!!!

Xmas Tablet and My New Bike

Look At Me - Blog Entry #3 - My Tablet and My New Bike

So, last Christmas Eve, my mom and I went to my aunt's and gramma's new apartment to celebrate. First, we ate some of our food. We had stuffing, veggies, and I think there was turkey, I'm not sure. My aunt had bought a natural fir tree, instead of the fake one that my mom and I had at home. Their tree was decorated with lights, Christianity-related ornaments, candy canes, etc. The cat they had was staring at the food in the kitchen; that's the only time she ever meows or makes noise--when she wants food. My Christmas was weird, in a simple kind of way.

First, we played Bingo because my aunt had bought perfumes, cosmetics, etc. So, my gramma won the first round and after that we each got to pick one thing out of her little prize box. I got perfume.

Then, there comes the presents. I got a jewelry tree for my necklaces and braclets; a purse with a matching photo album in it; a few video games for my Xbox 360; a jewelry dresser with drawers to put my smaller jewelry pieces in; and more importantly, I got a Pandigital Computer Tablet. I was so freakin' happy when my mom helped me open it (she had it shipped to her job because she bought it online, so it was in a cardboard box). But, this tablet had some problems. It wouldn't turn on after we fixed it. So, my mom had gotten a Pandigital Star Tablet with more memory, a card with extra MB's, and it came with a few pre-installed apps.

The reason why I had wanted one in the first place was because I was interested in the IPad. Since it costed too much, we decided to look for a PC Tablet since Christmas was coming next month. My mom wanted me to have this because I spent too much time on the computer we already have and I am always on it when she needs to use it. So, we got this. May not be an IPad, but it makes me happy.

A little while back, I had borrowed my aunt's bike to ride to school and whatnot. It was rusty and dilapidated, but at least it came with a basket, which I needed to put my purse and heavier textbooks in. I had not ridden a bike since I was around 10 years old, so I had to learn again. The only drawbacks were the tires were old, the seat hurt my butt when I ride, the paint was chipping, and the frame made a weird clinking sound (probably because I was so heavy).

When my birthday came around, my mom wanted to get me a new bike for my birthday, but her new car she bought had pricey payments. So, we postponed until she stopped working this telethon at Trinity Broadcasting Network. Then, on Friday, 2 days ago, we went to Walmart and I saw the bike online that I wanted was in stores. The only problem was it was 26", and it was too high for me. And the basket was too small. So, I got a pink, blue, and white Huffy Cranbrook that was 24" and the good thing about this bike was that you could adjust the seats and handlebars. Since this bike was only $88, we also got a horn and a basket. There were two bike horns. One sounded like a dog's chew toy and the other sounded like a clown's horn--a high honking sound followed by a lower-pitched one. So, I got that one and went home.

Then, the basket didn't fit on my bike, so we gave it and the horn to my aunt since she needed a horn and basket for her bike that I was formerly riding. She gave me her basket and I put on my bike myself and took it for a small ride through the alleyways. It rode so smoothly and the seat was just perfect. Pink may not be my FAVORITE color, but it was a good shade of pink.

I already had a lock for my bike, so I was all set with that. All I need now is a flashing back light, so I don't get in trouble. Other than that, I am ready to go to school on my new bike.

I'll post more blogs real soon. See ya later!!!

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Future Blogger Topics

Look At Me - Blog Entry #2 - Possible Topics 4 My Blogs in the Future

Now, this may seem kind of weird, but I thought that maybe I should list out all the things I'll be writing about later, so that my viewers will know what to expect from me. Seems to make sense to me...Along with these topics, I'll write about what happened to me on the day I write my blogs...if it's worth writing about, of course.

Blog Topics

***Keep in mind that I will not write about these topics in chronological order. I'll just write about one or two, cross them off in my mind, then write about other things. If I run out of things to blog about, I'll make it up as I go...Enjoy my blogs!!!***

Blog Topix
1.      My childhood bff, Elaina
2.      Bryan Palomino
3.      Mom’s tobacco addiction
4.      Jared, my cousin
5.      Bullies
6.      Elementary school
7.      My Obsessions (Dinosaurs, Big Bang Theory, George Lopez, Spongebob, Sonic, Assassin’s Creed, Pokemon, Writing, etc.)
8.      My Past and Present Teachers
9.      Music I Listen To
10.  Blasphemy
11.  My Book Obsession
12.  Video Games
13.  My Stuttering and Disorder
14.  My Talents
15.  My Health E.C. Essay and Teacher
16.  MY Awakening
17.  Why I Don’t Like Small Children
18.  Funerals
19.  Pets (Bear and Princess)
20.  My “A” Streak
21.  Riding a Horse
22.  My Uncle’s Wedding
23.  My Actual Dad
24.  My Friendship with Bryan
25.  Finding Out I had Asperger’s Syndrome
26.  My Therapist, Yisun
27.  Barnes and Noble’s Anonymous
28.  Talents – Singing drawing general knowledge ability to absorb info knowledge of animals recalling movies word 4 word writing acting Drama Choir Art Cooking Library Sciences computer knowledge talent shows
29.  My tomboyish nature (not wearing makeup, hygiene abnormalities, clothes, attitude, walk, friends, like to hang around boys more, etc.)
30.  Xmas Tablet and New Bike
31.  Holidays – Xmas, B-day, 4th of July, Halloween, and Thanksgiving
32.  School Issues
33.  Museum of LA, Discovery Cube, Aquarium of the Pacific
34.  The Perks of Being a Straight A Student
35.  When Tracy Got Married…
36.  My Future Writing and Animal-Oriented Careers
38.  Calvin’s Poetry and My Poetry
Aunt Missy
Uncle Tracy
Shaimont and Co.
Bryan, cousin; Wes, Kyle, Justin
Aunt Lindsay
Gr8 Aunt Maxine
Gr8 Gramma Shirley
Aunt Donelda
Vicky and Co.
Sober Living Co.
Daisy, Rachel, Andrea and Daisy
My Pets
Bear Princess
Calvin’s Roommate’s Pets

Well, there you have it. For now. Since it's almost 11:30, I'm going to go to bed soon. Good night, fellow bloggers!!!

--Bryanna Michelle Akins <3-<3-<3

First Blog Entry!!!

Look At Me - Blog Entry #1: My First Blog

Hello, my name is Bryanna Michelle Akins. I'm 17 and in the 11th grade. My birthday was on Valentine's Day and I have this mental disorder called Asperger's Syndrome, it's a "Level 2 Autism", so to speak. In layman's terms, I don't really get along with some of my friends, family, and my teachers in high school. Also, my stuttering has also got in the way somewhat.

My mental disorder, also known as A.S., is classified by the "Inability to make and/or keep friends, lack of eye contact, and inability to read social cues and pick up on people's body language." At least I know WHY I don't like looking at people when I talk, I always feel like people are judging me. Almost all of my family and friends are in a rush, so the fact that they always rush me makes my stuttering more and more worse. But I only stutter on the vowels (A, E, I, O, U); I only occasionally stutter on the rest of the alphabet. 

I act way different than I do when I am at school.

At school, I can't act the way I do when I am relaxing at home. My friends would think I am...abnormal. Eccentric's a better word. So, to hide my "true self", I act reserved and isolate myself from my girly friends and do my own thing. I only told a small handful that I have this mental handicap, and maybe 2 or 3 people actually knew what it was or had a good guess of what they thought it was. My english teacher, Mr. Garth M. Kohne, was the first person that knew what it was. He knew his sister's son had it and when I was in his 4th period class my sophomore year, he could tell right away that I was different. He believed that people with A.S. were..."Socially Retarded". That made me feel a little embarrassed when he said that, but I shrugged it off. When I told my best guy friend, Bryan, that I had this, he was pretty understanding about it. He was the ONLY guy that I could be myself around and when I'm around him, I don't feel shy or reserved at all. The only problem was that I fell for him in less than a week and my infatuation made me do some stupid crap, like asking him out 5 days after we met and trying to hold his hand during a movie when he was going through a bad breakup that I didn't even know about. Now, I have known him for over a year now, and I'm not sure if his feelings for me have changed at all. At times, I wish that I was skinny like my other friends so that I would get more respect and attention. 

All I want from my friends is respect, love, and acceptance. But how can anyone ever like a mentally handicapped, overweight, moody, 17 year-old girl that is still afraid to learn to drive? What's wrong with me? Who the hell knows? I just want to be accepted for my personality and who I am, not for my body and beauty.

Well, that's enough about me. I'll post again soon and update my site since this is my first day as a blogger. Later!

--Bryanna Michelle Akins <3-<3-<3

"Love is Never Ugly." -Beastly the movie